In yet another disappointing announcement for the already-miniscule and rapidly dwindling fanbase of Cyberpunk 2077, developer CD Projekt Red has announced today that they’re finally throwing in the towel once and for all. That’s right: after countless months of delays and production horror stories, Cyberpunk 2077 has been canceled outright. The reason? According to them, consumers simply don’t care.
In the game’s most recent bright yellow Twitter post, company co-founder Marcin Iwiński explains how the team failed to generate virtually any hype at all. “We understand that some of you were greatly anticipating Cyberpunk 2077,” reads the official statement. “But unfortunately, you’re in a very small minority. Almost no one has been chomping at the bit to finally sit down and play this immeasurably obscure title. We don’t know why we thought an open-world, first-person action RPG about sexy neon cyborgs would grab anyone’s attention, and for that, we are truly sorry.”
With the game’s release date of December 10 right around the corner, CDPR employees confirm that the game is “essentially entirely finished.” This cancelation comes not because of any more hiccups in production, but simply because the relatively meager cost of shipping the final product isn’t even worth it anymore. The studio has decided to simply cut its losses and move on to their next project. “No one’s going to buy the stupid thing, so why bother?” says shareholder Jensen Goldwater. “It’s literally cheaper to just cancel the game than to refund the preorders, of which there were almost none.”
Insiders have also expressed regret at hiring the widely despised Keanu Reeves for a role in the game. Despite starring in many blockbuster films throughout his career, Reeves is notorious as a petty and hateful person, his abysmal reputation dragging Cyberpunk down with him. Due to his alleged mistreatment of women, the celebrity has endured multiple online campaigns calling for his ostracization from the public sphere. Last month, USA Today listed Keanu Reeves as number four on their list of the top ten hated men in Hollywood, standing in stark contrast to James Corden, universally recognized as the most beloved man in America.
One diehard CDPR fan, who has tracked the company’s updates and played its games religiously since the original Witcher in 2007, had this to say: “Cyber what? Is that like, a new tabletop system or something?”