Communism Tycoon Kills You Because You’re A Tycoon

The recently released Communism Tycoon,a simulation game in the vein of Roller Coaster Tycoon, primarily features you being killed by revolution since you are a tycoon. The deep and interesting game always ends with NPCs murdering you when they realize that you are a tool of oppression of the proletariat. And only for $10.99 on Steam!

The game begins with you in control of a powerful communist state, with a core mechanic of delaying your murder by the people, you oligarchic pig-man. This can be temporarily prevented in a number of ways, such as by executing massive amounts of people as enemies of the Revolution, or by creating famines and then denying that you created them, despite millions of deaths. [Editor’s note: You may get a different result if you don’t always pick the “evil” or “sarcastic” dialogue options like our journalist.]

“Tycoons are enemies of the state, and evil counter-revolutionaries,” says developer and red son of a bitch Alex Mortara. “In Communism Tycoon, we try to have the most realistic depiction of communism possible. You can create gulags, not realize the Germans are going to invade you… the list goes on and on. At the end of the day, though, you are a tycoon, and you must be taken into the street and murdered like the imperialist swine you are. Long live the worker’s paradise.”

Communism Tycoon teaches an important lesson: at the end of the day, all that matters is friends, family, and good times. If you can get together with a group of friends and start a system of governance in which everyone benefits equally, you should do it! You should work to make life more equitable for all people, rich and poor should hold no distinction in the eyes of the government, all should be treated with fairness, kindness, and moral understanding. But eventually, they’ll realize you’re actually exploiting them as a bourgeois tycoon and kill you in the street like the imperialist pig-dog you are.

Mortara did not make himself available for a later interview in which we planned to ask him whether or not the game would be released on the Switch.

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