CD Projekt Red Devs Forced To Work 20-Hour Days Brainstorming New Ways To Satirize Unfettered Capitalism

In Wroclaw, Poland, the developers of the upcoming Cyberpunk 2077 are being compelled to work 20-hour days in order to come up with new ways to satirize unfettered capitalism and greed. The highly anticipated RPG focuses on evil companies that dominate the world with capitalist avarice, and force their employees to work absurd hours. Can you imagine?

CD Projekt Red workers were forced to take Adderall every eight hours to keep them alert and busy in order to write more ways that futuristic companies could abuse their workers. 

“What if one of the companies turned their employees into animals?” proposed one worker, who was immediately given a fifteen minute sleep break as a reward. Unfortunately, he was made to finish shading Keanu Reeves’ character’s taint, so he was unable to get any rest. 

“The game is going to take a real hard look at how companies abuse the world and people for profit,” said Adam Kiciński, the company president who publicly promised he would not make his workers crunch to meet a deadline and then did so anyway, “I mean money grubbing companies are really very evil. If you’ll excuse me, I hear a worker calling his wife, so I need to use my pole-axe. We have fun here!”

Workers were reportedly made to come-up with at least fourteen new genders the player character could be, or else their families would never be released from the CD Projekt Red brig. Further ideas to lampoon capitalism became more abstract when a third of the staff dropped dead later that day.

CD Projekt Red was able to sidestep mild criticism of their methods by adding a foosball table to the break/torture room.

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