Shameful: despite numerous advancements in facial technology, the new RPG Cyberpunk 2077’s character creation does not allow you to make your character ugly enough to accurately represent you.
This is a huge blow to you, and to the gaming world in general, as every character made in 2077’s revolutionary creation system is at least mildly attractive, a trait which you do not possess in the slightest.
“I play games to feel like I am the character,” said disgusting homunculus and local gamer, you. “It feels so unfun and unrealistic to play a game where the main character does not look like a Lovecraftian abomination turned human. The only game that could really accurately portray me was Oblivion, and that just barely scratched the surface of my repulsiveness.”
You were further disappointed to find that there is a minimum amount of distance between the character’s eyes, so your character cannot be a cyclopean beast, nor can you separate your eyes so you appear to be a hammerhead shark. In fact, there was very little you could do to make your eyeballs as revolting as they are in your real life. Disappointing from a game company that promised so much immersion.
Facial hair options also do not include “extremely patchy and clearly unable to grow the part that connects the mustache and the beard,” or even “just extremely thick neck hair growth.” Even more unrealistic, the player character is able to have sexual contact with other people, something that is utterly absurd when representing you.
In response to criticism, development studio CD Projekt Red issued the following statement: “Look, we get it. You are basically a pile of flesh that was pushed through a Play-Doh mold. We want your character to accurately represent you, so we’re adding some new features. You will now be able to make your character 78% acne with 500% more space between the teeth. In addition, we are programming NPCs to cross the street to avoid you. To make these changes, we will need to delay the game three months.”