A scrappy hero struggles to stand up, having given his all while fighting the alien invader Gormak, who stands over him, smirking. “Heh, not bad, kid. You actually made me use 17% of my power.”
This was the scene yesterday during the anime Melatonin Dreams. What was not seen, however, were the unsung heroes: Gormak’s support team, checking his blood sugar levels to know the exact percentage of power he used during the fight.
“When I‘m out fighting sniveling worms, it helps to know my power usage,” says galactic conqueror and genocider of the Koritsu race Gormak. “That’s why I’m so happy to have Jeremy and his team leading the way in power level management. After I embarrass another wannabe hero, Jeremy will come over and take a little bit of blood, run it through a centrifuge, and then report back to me. If I use too much power, I’ll eat a sugar cookie or something so I can get back to collecting the seventeen Wishing Stones, which for legal purposes I need to disclose I will not be putting into a glove.”
Knowing his exact power usage is essential for Gormak, and his team charts out his usage using tools like Microsoft Excel.
“Last month, he was using a lot more power than usual,” says gainfully employed data analyst Janet Smith. “That was a tough time. He was destroying the world of the ant-men, and there were a lot of them—he was using 5-7% of his power every day. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but again, there were a lot of ant-men, right? I’m working on a proposal to just buy him a gun so he saves power on killing small, innocent people.”
When asked what it was like working for a world-reviled supervillain, Smith told Nerfwire, “It used to be dangerous to work for Gormak, but now whenever he tries to kill me, I just say ‘there goes one percent’ under my breath and he thinks better of it.”
When asked if this was a ploy to better manage his type 1 diabetes, Gormak chose not to comment.