About Time: New York Times Announces Plan To Make Every Wordle Solution ‘Women’

The New York Times’ handling of Wordle has been contentious at best. Even if the execution had been flawless, many players would’ve opposed the former indie game’s corporatization simply on principle. With numerous bugs mucking up the transition, however, it’s no wonder that Wordle fans have become extremely critical of their new curators. Still, the Times seems determined to win the people over, which may explain their latest announcement: from now on, the solution to every single Wordle puzzle, forever, will be “women.” Wow—even if you hate the NYT, you have to admit this is a huge W for feminism.

NYT editor-in-chief Dean Baquet admits that the vibe was in retrograde until now. “We made mistakes in our implementation of Wordle, and we accept accountability,” reads the official press release. “That’s why we’re replacing every future solution with the word ‘women’—to demonstrate our commitment to providing the best experience possible.”

“We here at the New York Times support and believe women,” the chad-pilled pogdaddy continues. “We understand the issues they face—such as wage inequality, domestic abuse, and sexual harassment—cannot be solved with words alone. Still, as one of the largest media publications on Earth, it’s our duty to use our voice to represent and empower women. The freedom of our equality is the unity of our passion, and rights champion liberty.” Baquet then goes on a tangent reminding readers of the time his newspaper endorsed both Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar for president, a decidedly stannable moment for the girlies.

“This! So much this!” exclaims avid Wordle player and woman Danica Framton, going off. “New Wordle is hitting different and I am so hype for this glow-up. The New York Times is coming in dripped up and goated with the sauce. It’s about time we finally got the representation we deserve in the male-dominated gaming space. The besties and I discuss the Wordle solution in the hot girl group chat almost every day. I’m so glad we can move on from annoying simp shit like ‘cynic’ or ‘aroma’ and finally start to slay like the quirked up fucking freaks we are!” Framton goes on to note that well-behaved women rarely make history and that she is among the granddaughters of the witches you couldn’t burn.

However, not all users are responding positively to the yassification of Wordle. Some, like chauvinistic gaslighting pig Michael Tierney, have been observed coping and seething in the club. “Why don’t they just make a new Wordle instead of taking over this one?” asks Tierney, showing his whole ass. “Tons of Wordle spin-offs exist already. I don’t care if they make one for women, I just don’t want it to erase the main game. They could even use other girly words, like ‘queen’ or ‘doggo’ or something, instead of just ‘women’ every time. God, this is just like when they made Aloy look normal.” Independent investigations have revealed that Tierney gets zero pussy and can’t stand to see a girlboss winning, plus L, plus he’s balding.

The New York Times has also declared that Wordle’s original creator, Josh Wardle, is now canceled. Many Twitter users have stepped up to beat his ass in the quote retweets for not being progressive enough, but despite numerous ratios, Wardle claims that this hostility has had “no tangible impact” on his life whatsoever.

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