343 Industries: ‘If You Want Playable Elites, You Should Have Been Born Rich’

343 Industries, current developer of the Halo series multiplayer, recently received backlash over the lack of playable Elites in Halo Infinite. In response to this, 343 told fans that if they wanted playable Elites, they should have been born wealthy.

“All I hear from you people is bitching,” chastised 343 founder Bonnie Ross, “First you complain that Master Chief is basically a side character in Halo 5, then you complain that the art in Halo Infinite ‘looks like shit,’ and now this garbage with the Elites. Well, guess what, if you wanted to be an Elite, maybe you should have been born with a silver spoon in your mouth and have access to things only available to the highest rungs of society, like decent healthcare, or a second monitor. You people make me sick. I know you’re just doing this to avoid getting headshot from the back, fucking Elites.”

Ziegler continued on a profanity-laden, four-hour diatribe against Elites and poor people, saying that real-life rich people wouldn’t feel the need to play as a disgusting alien and that she was doing them a favor by helping them to get some “fucking class” in their life.

“Maybe I’m sick of playing as a Spartan,” said local Halo superfan Steven McMillen, who would describe his financial situation as “comfortable.” “Sometimes I just want to unwind and play as an Elite, but even though I own six houses, 343 insists that it’s not the same because I was born middle class and being rich is in the blood. It does seem a little classist from them, but I did eat a hot dog once, so maybe I don’t deserve to play the noblest race of the Covenant, the Sangheili.”

343 Industries later released a statement saying that if fans didn’t chill out, they would fuck around and make Spartan Locke the protagonist of the series, and to just try them and see what happens.

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